its kind of a lovely love story.

rewind to two years ago.
my handsome elder payton left on his mission.
i am going to allow myself to say, that was one of the 
hardest things i have ever gone through.
saying goodbye to your very best friend
is probably one of the worst things in the entire world.
-those who have sent off missionaries know the feeling.
its terrible, but was so worth it in the end.
he served the Lord for two years,
and did his very best.
he was obedient, strong, understanding, and diligent.
his letters were always positive and happy.
he was simply amazing.
& the more we wrote,
the more i just KNEW.
he came home on the 12th of february.
i was so overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions.
at this point, i felt like he wasn't a real person.
two whole years of not seeing his handsome face.
-i was going to burst-
the time of his flight landing,
kept changing.
what felt like forever,
my mom finally ran over and announced that his flight had landed!
if i remember accurately, i started bawling.
i just couldn't believe it.
it took him about 25 minutes to get off the plane,
and to come down the escalator.
when he reached the escalator, i was hyperventilating
so bad that my mom literally had to hold me up.
he gave his family hugs.
and then it was my turn.
i almost knocked him over i hugged him so hard.
and that probably had to do with the fact that my whole body was numb.
he told me he loved me at the airport,
and i didn't think i could get any happier.
little did i know.
valentines day was incredible.
just being with him made me indescribably happy.
he even painted my nails,
and at that point i knew he would be perfect.
we started looking at rings, online.
and i thought i found the winner,
but ring shopping is a lot harder than it looks!

we talked about a lot of things.
and figured them out.
& then we experienced our first
car accident together.
even though it was the other persons fault.
he was so kind, and understanding.

we played in the snow.
it was his first snow storm back.
we always have fun.

he surprised me with a picnic and lots of my favorite things.
he is so thoughtful.

he gave an incredible homecoming talk.
his strong testimony made me love him even more.

we went on a double date with his parents to scheels.
and we had a blast as usual.
he makes me laugh.
and its my real laugh.
& i love that.
we made a big decision this night together...
(the date of our wedding)
he asked my dads permission.
and passed with flying colors of course.
ring shopping took place literally 20 minutes after.
and within 20 minutes of being at the store,
i found the one.
-that was a little emotional-
the lady said that it would take 2 - 3 days to be made.
he bought it on a wednesday.
and i was convinced he was going to purpose on that saturday.
i was wrong.
and for those who know me well,
know i am very impatient.
so the suspense was very well killing me.
he asked me on a date on monday.
and said we were going to go fire golfing.
i loved the idea.
(i didn't say anything but i knew he was going to ask me :)
he came to pick me up around 6.
being me, i of course wasn't ready yet.
so he sat in my room,
patiently watching me run around frantically
trying to find something to wear.
i love that when he walked in,
i could tell by his face that we was going to ask me to be his wife.
oh my gosh i love him.

we seriously took the weirdest way to the lake.
i told him he was going the wrong way.
but he is always right,
and knew just where to go, of course.
we walked down this walkway and there were candles
lighting the way.
and there were candles, outlining a big heart.
i kept looking around trying to see if there were any
cars, and i was listening the best i could to see if 
i could hear anyone else talking.
because i knew the whole family was going to be there.
but i heard and saw nothing.
we golfed fire.
and it was so cool.
really, i loved it.

i noticed he kept looking at his phone.
he would act like he was using it as a light,
but i could tell he was texting.
which he never does on a date,
so i just KNEW.
he then told me we should just light all
of the golf balls on fire at once.
i kept thinking i was going to turn around 
and he was going to be on his knee.
but it just didn't happen.
we started talking,
and hugging.
and then he asked me to dance.
i started giggling,
and i don't even know why.
and then BOOOOOM!!!
and not the little dinky ones.
the BIG ones.
it scared me so bad,
i probably jumped 5 feet.

then i started giggling way more.
and kept saying,
"oh my gosh, oh my gosh"
and then i wanted to cry.
 but i didn't because i was still giggling,
and just way too happy.
he then, got down on one knee.
and grabbed my hand.
and said,
"madeleine pinegar,  will you marry me?"
i said yes a million times.
and we kissed, and hugged, and kissed more.
and then both of our families came running down.
-love them all so much-

i am beyond happy.
and he loves me even when you can't see the floor in my room.
he is mine forever, & i have never felt so happy.
i feel so blessed and grateful!
i love you karson payton!
5.10.13 cannot come soon enough.



you know what i love?
the moment everything seems to fall into place.
life just feels so incredibly scattered and it is most of the time.
i feel confident and brave one moment,
and sad and confused another.
today, was one of those days that everything seemed to fall into place.
i am 100 percent on what my major is going to be!
now this is very good news,
seeing that i change my mind almost everyday.
i have gone from wanting to study fashion to an elementary teacher, to studying history.
and lately i have just felt so icky about everything and 
really worried about what i am supposed to do.
BUT it hit me today and it hit me hard. (drum roll please)...
i am going to be a
s o c i a l w o r k e r.
ew, that kind of sounds terrible.
but i am going to help people.
& i get to help those people realize just how wonderful they really are.
-what could be better than that?-



About two years ago i began my first session of "anxiety attacks".
some of you may laugh,
but for those who have experienced anxiety as i have,
you know that it isn't the most pleasant thing on the earth.
and for those that are curious as to how it feels, continue reading.
it was my senior year of high school.
it was when my "worries" slowly, but surely began taking over my life.
i had no control over my brain.
it felt like every little being in my body was being diminished.
i would cry and cry.
and i didn't know how to fix this illness.
it was frustrating and scary.
i finally was able to find some help.
after months of constant worry.
and waking up literally ill.
i was able to feel the love of my heavenly father and savior, impacting my life.
unfortunately, my anxiety still comes and goes.
i have learned and accepted that being a -worrier-
is just something i will always have to deal with.
but by prayer, reading the scriptures, and reaching out to my savior...
everything is always a lot bit better.
this past week, i have been feeling the anxiety a little more than usual.
i was feeling nervous, and fear was arising in my body that it was all going to come back.
but then today, my mama was giving a lesson in relief society.
about an hour before, i was debating wether or not to go.
i had been to my meetings for the day, and was feeling a little under the weather.
i went anyway.
her lesson was all about hope, which i felt i had lost all of.
and about coming unto Christ in trials, and just day to day life.

It is so amazing to me how our Heavenly Father knows our needs so well,
and what we need to hear in that exact moment to keep us going.
We are so blessed!
please watch this video, it is just too amazing to pass up.
ps. thanks mama for your wonderful lesson today.


lesson learned.

last night i had the biggest urge to push down a snowman.
i know, i know.
how could i be so rude?
i attempted anyway.
and failed...completely.
i ran full force towards this snowman below,
& was 100% positive that i would knock it right over.
little did i know...
it was completely ice (because it was so cold)
and it practically knocked me over instead.
and pretty sure i got the air knocked out of me.
i guess i had to learn this lesson the hard way?
on a happier, and sunday note.
church was amazing today.
i was feeling sick during sunday school,
and was thinking i would maybe just go home instead of going to relief society.
i decided to stay and couldn't be more happy about it.
- - - - -
"when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren."
luke 22:32.
i love that scripture. it touched my heart today.
& just reminded me that we all need to help and strengthen
those around us, so that we can all return to our heavenly father someday.
this gospel. i love it.



i struggle with it, badly.
but having this disorder, comes with many perks!
one thursday night, i was up probably till about 6 in the morning.
and of course being up this long, causes my brain to go. go. & go.
WHICH. resulted in me wanting to have a bake sale.
i woke up the next morning.
convinced my cute mom to help me.
and off to advertise i went.
all day friday we prepared till late
and woke up early saturday.

we sold...
chocolate zucchini muffins

cinnamon rolls

oatmeal cookies w/ brown butter frosting

& homemade oreo cookies

we made a little over 5 dozen of each dessert,
and sold out in about 2 hours.
it was amazing, and i loved every minute of it.
-many more bake sales to come-

i was Ariel, from the little mermaid!
i made my costume,
&&& without a pattern.
i forgot how much i absolutely love to sew.

ps. for those wondering, my psoriasis is almost better! i still get itchy from time to time, but the dots are finally not so bumpy, and are turning a very very light pink color! Last night i was laying in bed talking to my mom, and i got the biggest smile on my face. i just feel so blessed that it is actually healing, and finally getting better! so grateful.


my belly.

today is 2 months exactly.
that i have had these itchy dots over my body.
crazy isn't it?
and even though itching all day long isn't usually apart of my life, 
i am starting to get used to it.
i remember walking into work on august 9th,
and wondering why on earth my neck was itching so bad.
soon enough it went to my arms, legs, stomach, and everywhere else.

i've never been one to show off my stomach.
& not that there is actually anything to show off exactly...
 other than my awesome cheetah spots.
i figure its not that big of a deal.
(actually it is kind of a big deal, but truth be told, 
i am just excited its getting better & 
am feeling the need for people to be excited with me).
my guttate psoriasis is healing.
you know when you have the most handsomest boyfriend,
and he says the most cutest of cute things,
and you feel in love,
and you have butterflies?
that is how i feel right now.
feeling so thrilled and blessed.
(a big thanks to DoTERRA oils, jill-my doc, my aunt, cousin, and mama of course)
ps. if you think the picture above is bad?
you would have gone blind if you saw me a week ago ;)
with being itchy still and all.
i am loving that fall is keeping my spirits high.
i love being so cozy ALL of the time.
it makes my heart feel happy.
my pretty little sister, savannah & i.